How are you doing?
I believe it will be 10 years this year, since you disappeared from my world.
So many things has happened since you and I saw each other last. So many things I would’ve loved you to be a part of. So many things and experiences I would’ve loved to share with you.
Everyone who was around me while you were still here knows that you and I had a special bond. We did so many things together. I have so many memories.
You took me travelling, you took me camping, you took me fishing, shooting and most important – you took me to the Zoo. We spent so much time there, my parents says that you raised me there. I remember small bits, but unfortunately not a whole lot more that what the pictures shows me.
One day, I don’t need a picture to remember is the day you left. I remember every second, every minute, every single long hour, and every feeling of that day. I remember how you were just fine a few days earlier, how you were cocky as always, how you were, just like I remember you. You were you, even though you were at the hospital. So I went back to my boarding school with the expectation of seeing you again the following weekend.
I remember I thought of you the day I finished my last day of boarding school, how I wish, that you’d been there to see me. I remember thinking of you when I passed my final exams and would become a graduate – twice. Three of many situations where you were missed more than anything else.
I wish you were here when I needed you, I wish you where here when I travelled, when I came back, and I wish you’d be here now. I miss you.
I remember the camping trips every summer with Niklas, you and grandma. Those weeks gave me so many memories. Memories I will never change for anything and memories, I wish we could’ve had some more. The nights of playing cards, watching movies and just having fun the four of us – best nights.
I’m so happy that you were there for my confirmation, but I also remember my heart being broken when you weren’t there for Niklas’. I know he would have loved that too.
I miss you so much. I know, I’m not the only one. I know mom misses you, Niklas misses you, dad misses you, grandma misses you, and so many other people misses you. You were the kind of person that would leave a mark everywhere you went. Your personality would fit most people and I remember how some of the other school mates from my class used to refer to you as their grandpa as well. I was and I am so happy and proud, that you were my grandpa.
I remember the day you passed. I remember being told that we had to go to the hospital. I remember not wanting to go into your room, because deep down I knew what was going on. I knew, that you weren’t you, but I had to see you. I remember running out of the room, I remember the nurse trying to calm me down and comfort me. I remember the feeling of not wanting to be there and the feeling of not knowing if it was real or not.
It had to be a nightmare, because you were just fine a few days earlier.
I didn’t want to be in that hospital. I know many people hate hospitals, but ever since that day I’ve felt psysically sick when thinking of that place – because I remember the feelings of that day.
I remember how I cracked and totally collapsed when I went back to school. How nothing could cheer me up. How it really effected me so much for such a long time – both mentally and pysically. I remember crying a lot back then. I remember missing you and I wished that you’d been there to drop me off at the school some weeks. How nice that would’ve been.
I remember having to look at your cofin at the funeral, how they took you away in that black car and how I knew, I would never see you again from that point.
I remember the day we had to say goodbye. The whole family was gathered. It’s was a long day. One of the longest of my life.
I’ve cried. I’ve cried a lot writing this. You were such a big part of my life. You still are. I could have written so much more here, but I just wanted to let you know that not one day goes by without me thinking of you. I wanted to tell you about my thoughts, struggles and feelings from the last days together with you – and every single day since.
I miss you. I think of you. I wish you were here. I will see you one day ❤
My name is Rasmus, I'm a Danish guy who wants to share every thought, dream and struggle about my life.
Via trips abroad as an expat to London, Lisbon and must recently Dublin I've gained some experiences that I would like to share.
I play the guitar, sing, love to travel, spent time with my friends and family and I'm a big Manchester United fan.