The Letter to You

Hi Grandpa,

How are you doing?

I believe it will be 10 years this year, since you disappeared from my world.

So many things has happened since you and I saw each other last. So many things I would’ve loved you to be a part of. So many things and experiences I would’ve loved to share with you.

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Everyone who was around me while you were still here knows that you and I had a special bond. We did so many things together. I have so many memories.

You took me travelling, you took me camping, you took me fishing, shooting and most important – you took me to the Zoo. We spent so much time there, my parents says that you raised me there. I remember small bits, but unfortunately not a whole lot more that what the pictures shows me.

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One day, I don’t need a picture to remember is the day you left. I remember every second, every minute, every single long hour, and every feeling of that day. I remember how you were just fine a few days earlier, how you were cocky as always, how you were, just like I remember you. You were you, even though you were at the hospital. So I went back to my boarding school with the expectation of seeing you again the following weekend.

I remember I thought of you the day I finished my last day of boarding school, how I wish, that you’d been there to see me. I remember thinking of you when I passed my final exams and would become a graduate – twice. Three of many situations where you were missed more than anything else.

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I wish you were here when I needed you, I wish you where here when I travelled, when I came back, and I wish you’d be here now. I miss you.

I remember the camping trips every summer with Niklas, you and grandma. Those weeks gave me so many memories. Memories I will never change for anything and memories, I wish we could’ve had some more. The nights of playing cards, watching movies and just having fun the four of us – best nights.

I’m so happy that you were there for my confirmation, but I also remember my heart being broken when you weren’t there for Niklas’. I know he would have loved that too.

I miss you so much. I know, I’m not the only one. I know mom misses you, Niklas misses you, dad misses you, grandma misses you, and so many other people misses you. You were the kind of person that would leave a mark everywhere you went. Your personality would fit most people and I remember how some of the other school mates from my class used to refer to you as their grandpa as well. I was and I am so happy and proud, that you were my grandpa.

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I remember the day you passed. I remember being told that we had to go to the hospital. I remember not wanting to go into your room, because deep down I knew what was going on. I knew, that you weren’t you, but I had to see you. I remember running out of the room, I remember the nurse trying to calm me down and comfort me. I remember the feeling of not wanting to be there and the feeling of not knowing if it was real or not.

It had to be a nightmare, because you were just fine a few days earlier.

I didn’t want to be in that hospital. I know many people hate hospitals, but ever since that day I’ve felt psysically sick when thinking of that place – because I remember the feelings of that day.

I remember how I cracked and totally collapsed when I went back to school. How nothing could cheer me up. How it really effected me so much for such a long time – both mentally and pysically. I remember crying a lot back then. I remember missing you and I wished that you’d been there to drop me off at the school some weeks. How nice that would’ve been.

I remember having to look at your cofin at the funeral, how they took you away in that black car and how I knew, I would never see you again from that point.
I remember the day we had to say goodbye. The whole family was gathered. It’s was a long day. One of the longest of my life.

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I’ve cried. I’ve cried a lot writing this. You were such a big part of my life. You still are. I could have written so much more here, but I just wanted to let you know that not one day goes by without me thinking of you. I wanted to tell you about my thoughts, struggles and feelings from the last days together with you – and every single day since.

I miss you. I think of you. I wish you were here. I will see you one day ❤

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Junior.

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